Chapter 18

"Every day and every week went by as I returned to Geneva, but I couldn't gather the courage to start working again. I was scared of the monster coming after me in anger, yet I couldn't bring myself to do the task I was supposed to do. Making a female creature would take months of studying and hard work. I heard about some important discoveries made by an English scientist that could help me, but I kept finding excuses to delay. I didn't want to start something that seemed less urgent to me now. 

Something had changed in me; my health was better, and I felt happier when I didn't think about my unhappy promise. My dad noticed this change and wanted to help me get rid of my sadness. Sometimes I would feel really down again, and that's when I'd go off on my own. I'd spend entire days alone on the lake in a small boat, watching the clouds and listening to the waves. But being outside in the fresh air and sunshine usually made me feel better, and when I came back, I could smile more easily and feel happier around my friends.

One day, after one of these outings, my dad took me aside and said he was glad to see me getting back to my old self. But he also noticed I was still unhappy and avoiding people. He wanted me to tell him what was wrong, saying that keeping secrets wouldn't help us.

I was really nervous when he started talking, but he said he'd always hoped I'd marry Elizabeth and bring happiness to our family. He thought we were perfect for each other since we'd been close since we were kids. But he worried that maybe I didn't see Elizabeth as anything more than a sister. He wondered if I'd met someone else I liked and felt stuck because of my promise to Elizabeth.

I reassured him that I loved Elizabeth deeply and sincerely. She was the only woman I could imagine being with. My whole future depended on us being together.

My dad was relieved to hear that, but he still wanted to make sure I was truly happy. He asked if I wanted to marry Elizabeth right away to bring some joy back into our lives. He knew things had been tough lately, and he didn't want us to wait any longer for happiness. He also mentioned that he didn't want to pressure me into anything and that he just wanted me to be honest with him.

I listened to him quietly, trying to figure out what to say. I knew I had to go to England for my work, but I didn't tell him that. Instead, I asked if I could visit England for a while, without explaining why. I made it sound like I just wanted a change of scenery. My dad agreed, happy to see me interested in something again. He thought maybe traveling would help me feel better.

I could decide how long I wanted to stay in England, but my dad made sure I wouldn't be alone. He'd arranged for my friend Henry Clerval to join me in Strasbourg. Having a friend with me would make it easier to focus on my work, even though I really wanted to be alone. But I was glad for the company, especially at the beginning of the journey.

So off to England I went, knowing that when I came back, I'd marry Elizabeth right away. My dad didn't want to wait, and I had my own reasons for wanting to get it over with quickly. I hoped that once I finished my work, I could finally be happy with Elizabeth and forget about all the pain from the past.

As I prepared for my journey, one thing worried me: leaving my friends vulnerable to the monster's attacks while I was away. But I hoped he'd follow me instead of hurting them. I couldn't shake off the fear, but I had to focus on my task ahead.

In late September, I left my home again. I suggested the journey, and Elizabeth agreed, though she was worried about me being away. She'd arranged for Clerval to accompany me, but I knew she was worried about more than just my safety. She wanted me back soon and couldn't hide her mixed feelings when she said goodbye.

I got into the carriage that would take me away, not really caring where I was going or what was happening around me. All I remembered was to pack my scientific equipment. My mind was filled with dark thoughts, and even though I passed through beautiful scenery, I didn't see or appreciate any of it.

After some days of traveling aimlessly, I reached Strasbourg in France, where Clerval was waiting for me. His excitement and joy at seeing new places were the opposite of how I felt. He loved pointing out the beauty around us, but I couldn't see any of it. I just wanted to focus on my work and get it done.

We decided to travel down the Rhine River to Rotterdam, where we'd catch a ship to England. The journey was pleasant enough, especially during the grape harvest, but I couldn't fully enjoy it. Even in the midst of beauty, my mind was clouded with worry and sadness.

Clerval, on the other hand, was thrilled by everything we saw. He found joy in the simplest things, and his enthusiasm was contagious. He saw the world with wonder and appreciation, while I was trapped in my own misery.

As we traveled through Holland, the scenery became less interesting, but we finally arrived in Rotterdam and set sail for England. On a clear morning in December, I saw the white cliffs of Britain for the first time. The sight of London's steeples and landmarks filled me with a mix of excitement and dread."